INTRO
SONG BARKING TO DEPTFORD

NARRATOR
Men with Ven - Driving From Barking To Deptford.
Chapter 4 - The Battle Of Blackwall Tunnel.

MEN WITH VEN
Blackwell Tunnel is a scary place
Not a place you want to show your face
Better go tooled up - just in case
Driving from Barking to Deptford

NARRATOR
Life is largely violence filth and death and drink...
and the cinematic works of Jason Statham.

Music: Mi Mommy Told Me Lee Perry was mi Daddy.

NARRATOR
Previously on Men With Ven - Driving From Barking To Deptford...

MO
Yeah man , me know them people there.
Bill. Dave. Carl.

Bill Dave Carl they Bredren still but they deal with that crazy Spaceman dude.

Madman Spaceman with the car repair shop and ting.

He was working on their Van and he made it go Electric.
I mean Sparks were flying and lightning was flowing.
That Van was throbbing like I was holding my ear to my mother’s heart.

And there was rumour they go Blackwall Tunnel.
Only Devil business in Blackwall Tunnel.
Many bad stories there.

But Bill, Dave, Carl not perfect righteous men seen?
I try not judge but what those white boys do with the Rasta Flowers and the foul meat is against nature.

But watch out for that Ethel man.
She can repeat on you like some of cheap spicy chicken.
She keep coming back and back and back.
She don’t stop.
She will burn you inside.
She too deep and dark.
Those eyes go back one thousand years plus.

You don’t mess with woman like that

INT. BLACKWALL TUNNEL. DAY

FX - Music - low spooky drone in a large empty space

CARL
Just put the crow bar down Eth.
This can all be sorted.
Trust me.
We can drive you out of here coz I know a bloke and he can get you a passport and I know blokes who can do some plastic surgery - not that you need it, obviously....

ETHEL
I am Ethelburga.
Great granddaughter of St. Ethelburga of Barking.

BILL
Oh here we go.

CARL
Eh?

ETHEL
I was slaughtered by Vikings when they invaded
Barking Abbey over a thousand years ago...

CARL
I read about that?

DAVE
Hang on, if you were slaughtered...

ETHEL
A strange teenage sorceress brought me back to life...

DAVE
You what?

ETHEL
And cursed me and Freya, who you know as Frieda, to an eternal life of battle until the day the curse is broken.

BILL
Now I’ve heard it all.
A sorceress?

ETHEL
It was 871AD Bill, it was a time of magic.

FX Dave’s phone ringing.

BILL
Who the hell is that?

DAVE
I’l get it later.

FX declines call.

CARL
Hold on, are you saying that underneath The Blackwall Tunnel...
Under here...
It’s Valhalla?

ETHEL
Kind of.

CARL
The Einherjar!

BILL
The what?

DAVE
You been reading that Ikea catalogue again Carl?

CARL
The Einherjar are every Viking who’s ever died in battle. They live in Valhalla, honing their skills, preparing for the day when they return...

ETHEL
To slaughter everyone who do not bow their will.

CARL
It’s really is interesting.

ETHEL
Not really Carl.
More like terrifying.

CARL
Oh..

DAVE
Sorceres’s?
Vikings?

BILL
You’re having a laugh right?

ETHEL
Don’t you always get a sense of foreboding when ever you drive through The Blackwall Tunnel?

DAVE & CARL & BILL
Murmurs of agreement

DAVE
That’s all very interesting Ethel, no offence or anything but to be honest you sound a bit mental.

BILL
You just killed some bloke in fancy dress with a crow bar in front of our van and now you are going on about something that happened over a thousand years ago.

DAVE
I’m sure you can put together a diminished responsibility thing with a lawyer if you like, but don’t mess about with us love. Give us more credit than that.

GLORIA
Obstruction approaching.
Take evasive action.

BILL
What..

3 VIKINGS screaming cries of battle

CARL
Ethel - Vikings behind you.
Three of ‘em.

BILL
Get down on the floor

FX - a pump action shotgun shoots three times - three bodies drop to the ground.

CARL
What?.

ETHEL
Bill?

BILL
I probably spent a bit too much time playing with my boys video games…
Get in the van we can talk there.

INT. FRIEDA’S OFFICE. DAY

FRIEDA
If you want someone you can trust, pick the stupid ones. They’re predictable.
Dave owes me and the other two are scared of their own shadows.

ODDMAN
Frrrrggg.. Eeej uts

FRIEDA
They’ll be here.
They are not like us.
They are weak.
They just need a mother’s discipline.
I’ve spent centuries making sure men like them behave the way they should.

ODDMAN
Frrrrggg

FRIEDA
But we have got to locate that charter.
FX phone buttons /phone ringing tone

FRIEDA
Where bloody hell is Dave?
He’s going to curse the day he was born when I get hold of him.

ODDMAN
Marr… brrrr.. grrrr… Drnung…

FRIEDA
I know Oddman.
Stay calm my sweet.
int Norse horn

FRIEDA
Did you hear that?

ODDMAN
AAaaaaagh Freeee...

INT. VAN. DAY

FX Dave’s phone rings - Call declined.

BILL
Who’s keeps phoning you Dave.
Not that sort down the chippy?

DAVE
I’ll deal with it later.
Carl - what you doing?

FX weaponry being sorted out

CARL
Pole axes, ray guns...
This looks like it belonged to Robin Hood.
Funny looking arrows ...

ETHEL
Careful Carl.
Nitroglycerin Tips.

DAVE
How does that work then?

SONG GOOGLE IT

CARL
Google it.
Nitroglycerin is an oily liquid that may explode when subjected to heat, shock or flame.
Isn’t that interesting?

ETHEL
Not really.

CARL
Oh... (Disapointed)
Look at this - Magnum44, M16A1, M203 with grenade launcher, a Dillon M134D.

DAVE
English Carl.

CARL
Guns Dave.
Big guns.

DAVE
Nice.
Check this out.

ETHEL
Excalibur.

DAVE
Woah...
What’s that then?

ETHEL
It’s a sword Dave

CARL
No...
THIS is a sword.
I always wanted one of these when I was a kid.
A Hanzo Hattori Samurai sword.
Ahh... Grasshopper.

ETHEL
Carefull though Carl.
It might be a mighty weapon in the right hands...
but...
Maybe best if you put that down for now.

CARL
(A little hurt)
Oh... maybe later then.

FX hum of String ‘Em Up and murmmering battle

ETHEL
Tool up boys, this is it, The Einherjar are coming.

FX - Full on battle, screaming hordes of Vikings.

SONG: BEAUTIFUL MORNING

DAVE
Carl, which way do I point it.

CARL
At the pointy end.

DAVE
Just hit him on the head with it.

ETHEL
I hate Vikings.

BILL
I had no idea that I could fire a gun.

CARL
I hate to admit it but this really is fun.

DAVE
Ethel are you sure that you’re really a nun?

ETHEL
Don’t make me go through that again.

BILL, DAVE & CARL
What a beautiful morning
What a beautiful day
I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready come what may

DAVE
You’re a really good shooter Bill

BILL, DAVE & CARL
What a beautiful morning
What a beautiful day
I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready come what may

BILL
Take that, and that, and that.

DAVE
(It's a Beautiful Morning)

BILL
I shot up all over him.

DAVE
I keep making the noise of the gun...
Listen.

SFX Dave making gun noise

BILL
Now that is a pile of bodies that is.

DAVE
Hold up that one is moving Bill.

BILL
I’ll get him.

DAVE
Go on.

SFX Shot

BILL
That’s better.
He’s not getting up mate.

DAVE
Do you think they’re coming back.

BILL
Oh yeah... Look over there...
Machine-gun fire. bazookas etc…throughout scene.

GLORIA
We are experiencing difficult conditions.
Increase alacrity.

FX - bow and arrow.

ETHEL
Oh Carl.
Y’doing pretty good.
Who knew?

CARL
(shyly)
Oh… It’s just a bow & arrow Eth...
Thanks

FX Gunfire, Dave’s Ringtone, call declined.

BILL
Is that your phone again Dave?

DAVE
Errr... no. (Deflecting).
I’m knackered.
How long have we been down here?

GLORIA
Time is a matter of debate.

BILL
This is madness.

CARL
There’s hundreds of them.

GLORIA
Hold on a minute.

ETHEL
How ever many there are that’s how many we have to kill.

BILL
I dunno if we can hold ‘em off much longer

CARL
What about the bookie?

DAVE
Who?

CARL
Jack’s little black book? He said...

BILL
We haven’t got time to mess about.
DAVE
Hold up...
Carl’s right.

FX opening van door and climbing in

BILL
What you doing now? Dave?

DAVE
No, this could work.

FX rusling around the van and retrieving the book.

ETHEL
They’re coming at us again.

BILL
Would you mind shooting something Dave?

DAVE
Ah ha.... ‘Ere we go...

CARL
Oh dear, he’s got that look.

DAVE
If you had to choose, who would you like to help us in this battle?

ETHEL
What?

CARL
Are you mad?

DAVE
No seriously.

BILL
Napoleon ... Napoleon is the donkey’s knob of generals.

ETHEL
Carl. Shoot.

FX bow and arrow

CARL
He’s a midget he’s greasy and we don’t speak French

DAVE
Good point.
Then who?

BILL
Che Guevara?

DAVE
Commie.

ETHEL
Would you please fight.

DAVE
Ethel, I tell you with this book I can call up anyone and they’ll come and help.

ETHEL
Jesus!

BILL
Pacifist.

CARL
Churchill

BILL
Overweight, drunk... and a Tory.

DAVE
I’ve got it.
You are going to like this.
You are going to like this a lot.

ETHEL
Who?

SONG: JASON STATHAM

DAVE
Jason!Jason! Jason!
Statham!

JASON STATHAM
Be not afraid of greatness.
Some are born great.
Some achieve greatness.
And some have greatness shoved down their throat.

JASON STATHAM
(Sings)
I’m Micheal Caine, Daniel Craig,
Ray Winstone rolled into one
I’d have Jude Law for breakfast
Then Orlando Bloom for my lunch
I’m hard as nails and make the women go weak at the knees

THE PARROT
Who’s a pretty boy then?

BILL, DAVE & CARL
(SINGS)
On land and sea we all agree that he's a right tasty geezer
Jaaaasuun,

JASON STATHAM
From market stall to martial arts.

BILL, DAVE & CARL
Jaaaasuun,
He really is different class
Staaaatham

JASON STATHAM
I’d watch y’self if you’re a grass.

To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, that you can give these slags a right good kicking.

BILL, DAVE & CARL
Cars and cash and guns and birds.
Cars and cash and guns and birds.
Cars and cash and guns and birds.

GLORIA
Obstruction removed.
Open road ahead.
Stay alert.

INT.FREIDA’S OFFICE.DAY

FX ringing phone tone

FREIDA
Pick up Dave, if you know what’s good for you ....
At last

DAVE
Yeah.

FREIDA
Dave, where the hell are you?

FX Viking battle

DAVE
It’s alright... just got a bit held up... nothing to ...oof

FREIDA
What is going on Dave?
Are you still in the pub.

FX Viking battle

DAVE
Na, nothing like that honest...aagh

FREIDA
I’m warning you Dave, if you’re trying to ...
FX Viking battle

DAVE
Would I lie to you?
‘Course I wouldn’t lie to you Frieda.
On my life...

FX norse horn

FREIDA
What’s that noise?
Dave... where are you, exactly?

DAVE
Blackwall tunnel, won’t be long.
Just got a bit of business to sort...
Traffic’s been terrible.

FX Viking battle

FREIDA
Don’t mess me around Dave.

FX dead phone line

FREIDA
Dave?
Dave?
DAVE
DAVE!

ODDMAN
Dvv??

FREIDA
He’s in Blackwall tunnel.
He sounds...
He sounds... like he’s in the middle of a battle.

ODDMAN
Hrrr..

FREIDA
I knew it.
The Eihenrjar, they are risen.
We must go at once.
Hurry, we have no time to lose.

ODDMAN
Frr..

FREIDA
We have no time to lose.
Fetch me my leather skirt!

INT. BLACKWALL TUNNEL.DAY

SFX - Continuing explosions

DAVE
‘Ere Jason Statham!
Check this out…

SFX - Loud shot

DAVE
Look at this Jason Statham.
Look at me.

JASON STATHAM
Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury you numpty.

DAVE
(chastised)
Oh...
Sorry Jason Statham...

SFX Battle continues in background. In foreground we hear:

ETHEL
Carl?
Carl, why have you never...

CARL
Never what?

ETHEL
Why have you never asked, y’know?

CARL
Asked what?

ETHEL
Me...
To be yours.

CARL
I didn’t know you...

ETHEL
Oh, what?
How obvious do I have to make it?
Don’t you know when someone fancies you?

DAVE
(LAUGHING)
You fancy him?

BILL
(SARCASTICALLY) )
Who knew?

JASON STATHAM
(exasperated)
Alas poor Carl - I knew.

ETHEL
This is it, Carl.
This could be our last day on earth and I want you to know...
I love you, Carl... I want you to know that you were always loved and always will be loved. I loved you from the first time you came in my pub. I loved your awkward shyness; your sensitivity; your obsession with detail; your deep thinking and... your hair.

CARL
My hair?

ETHEL
I want you to know you are lovable, sexy, funny, brave and strong and... I love you.

CARL
(tongue tied)
I… errr…. umm..

BILL
Yeah, it’s funny innit?
This is like one of those stupid films where the bad guys just keep getting killed while the heroes don’t even get a scratch.
We hear a spear go through Bill

DAVE
Bill!

BILL
(Dying)
Me and my big mouth...
Sorry, lads.

CARL
(To Bill)
I’m so sorry, man.
I took my eye off you.

BILL
No, mate... Should have kept schtum.

DAVE
(to Bill)
Don’t talk.

BILL
Dave?

DAVE
I said don’t...

BILL
No, no.
I need you to tell The Missus...
Tell her I tried...
Tell her I tried to get there on time.
In background SFX of van in time travel mode

JASON STATHAM
I would not wish any companion in the world other than you but you better start taking a few more of these out or we’re toast.
Dave won’t believe Bill has gone and starts shaking him.

DAVE
Bill!
Wake up.
The shaking gets progressively more vigorous

DAVE (CONT’D)
Wake up!
We’ve got a fight to finish here...
Then I’m going to get you back to your Missus.

CARL (CALM)
He’s gone, Dave.
Dave is becoming slightly hysterical and tears are welling up in his eyes. He stops shaking Bill’s body and begins hugging him and kissing him.

DAVE
I will, I promise...
I’ll get you back there.
Then tomorrow we’ll go to the football and we’ll grab a couple of pints I...
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for getting you into this.
Carl, though tearful himself is calm. We hear him walk out of sight.

DAVE (CONT’D)
I always get us into the crapper and you always get us out of it... that’s what happens...
You don’t die on me, Billy.
Not on my watch.
You do not die.
It’s not the way this happens. (beat)

Dave gets himself together. He is now speaking to to himself.

DAVE (CONT’D)
It’s not the way this is going to happen.

Carl?

CARL
(very Calm)
Yes Dave

DAVE
Why have you got a funny moustache and why are you wearing a long black dress.

CARL
(very Calm)
What are you saying Dave?

DAVE
We are going back now.
Five minutes.
Do the fight again.
This time Bill lives.

SFX: Bills phone rings

DAVE
Leave the phone.
We’ve got to go back to save Bill

JASON STATHAM
Tis better three hours too soon than a minute too late and we are too late for Bill.
I don’t know too much about time travel but if we go back and we are the same and they are the same, the same thing will happen again.

DAVE
Shut it Jason Statham.
You don’t know nothing about time travel.
He’s not your mate and you can’t even do an American accent, so shut it.
Carl?

CARL
Yes Dave

DAVE
Your hair looks weird.

CARL
Is that so?

DAVE
Is that a ponytail?

CARL
Don’t worry about it mate, let it go.
I think you may be right.
Let’s get in the van.

SFX - Massive rewind sound.

SILENCE Then:

GLORIA
Start again.
Redirecting.

What are your values?
What do you value?
What is your value?
Vice or virtue?
Value required.
Action… required.
Start again. Again again again again again..
Redirecting.

CUT TO: Exact replica of where they were 5 minutes ago.
Ethel is in the middle of her speech to Carl.

ETHEL
(fading in)
I love you, Carl... I want you to know that you were always loved and always will be loved. I loved you from the first time you came in my pub.
I loved your awkward shyness; your sensitivity; your obsession with detail; your deep thinking and your hair.

I want you to know you are lovable, sexy, funny, brave and strong and... I love you.

BILL
Yeah, it’s funny innit?
This is like one of those stupid films where the bad guys just keep getting killed while the heroes don’t even get a scratch.
Carl raises his samurai sword and deftly deflects the spear1 that was hurtling towards Bill.

BILL
Carl - that was amazing - that spear was headed straight for me and you knocked out the way with that sword.

CARL
(To Bill)
It’s actually a Katana Bill.
Nice to have you back by the way.

BILL
What?

CARL
(To Ethel)
Ethel, I love you... Now.
But I’ve got a little bit of unfinished business to sort out.
Excuse me.
Carl jumps into the Viking horde and moves incredibly gracefully using his samurai sword.

SONG: WHAT IS HE ON
ETHEL
No Carl...

DAVE
Carl, what are you doing?
Bill
Just watch y’self will ya?

ETHEL & DAVE
Be careful
Ethel
Carl - Behind you
Bill
Do you think he knows what he’s doing?
Ethel
Wow..
Oh Carl... Oh my
DAVE
Oh my God.
Bill
Yeah, I think he knows what he’s doing?

DAVE
Look at him go, Don’t he look good.
Ethel
Yeah he does.

DAVE
Watch behind ya.
Bill
That’s the one - Have ‘im

DAVE
Careful
Bill
He’s very graceful

ETHEL
Oh my.
Wow.
What is he on?

BILL
Can I have some

JASON STATHAM
When the hurly-burly's done,
When the battle's lost and won.
Go on Carl, Give it some my son.
Sound of Carl thrusting into the The Vikings.

JASON STATHAM
Axes bounce off his chest

DAVE
Or get caught in his vest

ETHEL
He’s impeccably dressed

BILL
And he’s got more swerve than Georgie Best.
Bill, Dave, Ethel & Jason Statham
What is He On?
Can I have some?
What is He On?
Can I have some?
What is He On.
Can I have some?
What is He On?
Can I have some?
The Vikings retreat and Carl calmly sheathes his sword.

ETHEL
Welcome home Carl.

CARL
That went quite well didn’t it?
Bill’s phone rings.

Bill
Hello.

THE MISSUS
Bill, I’m sorry I was in mood with you earlier.
Take your time love.
Come home safe.

BILL
I’ll do my best.

THE MISSUS
I love you.

BILL
I love you too.
Bye.

DAVE
What just happened Carl. What’s with the ballet moves, the face fungus, the pyjamas and...

CARL
Part of the culture.

DAVE
What culture?

CARL
Kenjiyutsu.

DAVE
What? How? The moustache? The Sword?

CARL (CONT’D)
There’s a bloke in Gillingham.

BILL
Gillingham?

CARL
Gillingham.
Willie his name is, lovely bloke.
William Adams. Sailor.
D’you ever see Shogun?

DAVE
Yeah, when I was little.

CARL
Well that’s ‘im...
Or the bloke they based it on.

While you were going on like a weeping bag of dog piss, I borrowed Gloria and nipped back to 1620 for a few lessons. I always wanted to learn how to be a Samurai but there were no night classes at Lewisham Tech so I thought it was the perfect oppotunity.

He refined what he learnt in Japan and he taught me.
It’s inside all of us Dave.
It always was.

DAVE
Wha... But...

CARL
I know you, Dave. You are so predicable. I can tell what you are going to say five seconds before you think it.

DAVE
Yeah, you’ve already said that.

CARL
Exactly.
I knew you would want to go back and save Bill but Jason Statham was right.
Unless one of us was different it would all just end the same.
So I went back... further.
And now I’m different.
So it all turned out errr... different.

I’m afraid I knackered Gloria’s suspension though.
Took me all day to get there and two years to learn these moves.

Carl does a few more elegant moves.

DAVE
You do look older.

CARL
Well I’ve been away for two years haven’t I?

BILL
What are you talking about?

CARL
You were dead, Bill.

BILL
I don’t remember that.

CARL
Course you don’t Bill.
You were dead.
Watch out Dave!

Dave is stunned for a moment before he sees another Viking charging and demonstrates his own killing machine talents - with a flame thrower.

DAVE
I’m getting good at this.

CARL (CONT’D)
No Bushido, Dave.

DAVE
What?

CARL
No Bushido - No class mate
The Vikings begin to charge again.

ETHEL
Show’s not over - here we go again.

IN FRIEDA/FREYA’S CAR DRIVING TOWARDS THE BLACKWALL TUNNEL

FREYA
Here we go Oddman. Let’s see if the spell is broken.
When I was imprisoned in Bermondsey god knows how long ago it was just a swamp.
Now… Well, it’s not much different.
But I am ready to leave.

ODDMAN
I…. I….
(Frustrated)
Grrrraaaagh…

FREYA
Oddman.
Are you ok?
Are you trying to say something?
In the name of Ymir are you returning to me?

ODDMAN
(Whimpering)
Mirrr…

FREYA
Don’t worry my sweet. No matter who or what you are all will be well.
Let’s get to the tunnel and lead the Einherjar across London. Across the world.
Sit tight Oddman.
Tomorrow belongs to us….
Whoever you are I will always take care of you.
Here it is now.
I’ve never been so excited to drive down the A200

SFX - A huge crack as Freya passes through The Earl Sluice. Massive orchestra plays the opening of “Omelette”

FREYA
To Deptford and beyond.

INT.ELSEWHERE IN THE BLACKWALL TUNNEL.DAY. LULL IN BATTLE.

CARL
I always thought... well I wondered, why you never got married, had kids and that. You could have had the pick of the pub.

ETHEL
I had a few boyfriends, every hundred years or so, but I was immortal.
I couldn’t die.
They could.
It just got too painful losing them.
And I couldn’t bare the thought of having kids and watching them grow up and grow old and then ...

CARL
Oh Eth.

ETHEL
So I just forged on, on my own. It’s not so bad. Being a single woman of a certain age is not what was.

CARL
Oh...

ETHEL
It’s actually a thing now.

CARL
Does that mean we can’t...

ETHEL
Let’s talk about that after the battle eh?

EXT: ENTRANCE TO THE BLACKWALL TUNNEL

FREYA
The Battle Of the Blackwall Tunnel will be spoken of for millennia
And here we are at the entrance about to enter and..

ODDMAN/ODIN
wor.. Wur… WUURRR…

FREYA
Oddman?

ODDMAN/ODIN
Whaa…. Wuuu.. Waaaagh…

FREYA
Oh my

ODDMAN/ODIN
WUURRR… Words have been denied me - but no more.

FREYA
Ahh… It cannot be.

ODDMAN/ODIN
The curse is broken.

FREYA
But how?

ODDMAN/ODIN
The Einhenijar are returned and so am I

FREYA
Odin.

ODIN
My love…
C’m ‘ere
Freya and Odin kiss.

ODIN
These past years, decades, centuries have not been kind to me, but you have my dear Freya.

FREYA
Odin, I would have waited forever for you.

ODIN
Immortality is a curse when you are trapped in your own mind.
How was I to know when that knavish trickster at The Well Of Wisdom, who promised me knowledge beyond bounds, would scramble my mind.
I was pompous.
I was arrogant.
I was foolish.
And now I am sorry.

FREYA
Now you are back you are forgiven my love.

ODIN
But now we have an army to lead.

FREYA
Forwards. Into The Blackwall Tunnel.

ODIN & FREYA
To glory.

INT: BLACKWALL TUNNEL

GLORIA
There is only now.
Nothing more, nothing less.
You are experiencing now

FX weapons being loaded and prepared.

JASON STATHAM
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, and let’s give these
slags a taste for hospital food.

DAVE
Yes Jason Statham, we cannot give up now.
Bill has died once already.

BILL
Apparently.

CARL
In fact, we all have.
When a man goes into battle he is dead already.
If he survives any battle he is reborn anew.

DAVE
Since you got back from Gillingham you’ve gone all spiritual
Carl.
You’re not turned into a hippie have you?

CARL
Dave, tune in turn on and sod off.
Look if The Einherjar make it
past us who knows what could happen.

A silence as The Einherjar retreat.

BILL
Where did they go anyway?

DAVE
Cowards.

JASON STATHAM
A coward dies a thousand times before his death, but those
tossers are sneakier than that.

ETHEL
Yes Jason Statham, they’re not running away.
They’re re-grouping.
I can feel her.

CARL
Who?

ETHEL
Freya... she’s here.

INT. ELSEWHERE IN THE BLACKWALL TUNNEL.DAY

In the distance we can hear Freya’s speech.

FREYA
Now is the season. Now is the time. Now is the precise moment when we return order, not just in this lowly quarter but the world over!

THE EINHEJAR
YES!

FREYA
After this battle is won - And it will be won - We will seize our moment and it will be time to repay them with Ancient Justice.

THE EINHEJAR
(Massive cheering)

FREYA
I will remove the shackles of freedom that bind them. I will give them a simpler world where every man and woman knows their place.
The time has come to destroy the hope that gives them pain.
Who is stronger than hope?

THE EINHEJAR
Death.

FREYA
Who is stronger than the will?

THE EINHEJAR
Death

FREYA
Stronger than love?

THE EINHEJAR
Death.

FREYA
Stronger than life?

THE EINHEJAR
Death.

FREYA
But what is stronger than death?
a moment of silence

FREYA
Me... evidently.
The Einhejar Cheer

THE EINHEJAR
Yeahhhh!!!!

SONG : STRING ‘EM UP

THE EINHEJAR
String ‘em up
String ‘em up
String ‘em up
String ‘em up
String ‘em up

FREYA
Crack dealers, Car stealers,
Hoodie wearers , Faith healers,

The blind. The weak. The dumb. The deaf
Each and every TV Chef

Chancers - Freelancers
Morris dancers

The rich the poor the in-between
All will feel me vent my spleen

Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Jews
The blond girl reading evening news

Those too fat - those too thin

THE EINHEJAR
But not Matt Percival - we like 'im

FREYA
Billionaires - Pola Bears
That bloke standing over there

But I beg you - most of all
Ethel, Bill, Dave, Carl

THE EINHEJAR
String ‘em up
String ‘em up
String ‘em up
String ‘em up
String ‘em up

We hear mass cheering from The Einhejar. The words echo round the cavern.

FREYA
You have to break an egg to make an omelette.